party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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