So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
