just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
