i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
