I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
