$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
