does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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