Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
