So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
