on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
