I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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