awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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