Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
