My hand turned me down
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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