Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
