Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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