need another drink. this is the easiest way
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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