My Higher Power is John Stamos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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