The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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