Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
