ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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