I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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