Sponge bath it is.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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