Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
