I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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