that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
