come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
