quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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