dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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