It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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