Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
