i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
