theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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