Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
