Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hippo gnu deer
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
