i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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