im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
