I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
