But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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