dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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