hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just cut my nipple shaving
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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