i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
