she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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