either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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