i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
