she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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