anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize