We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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