Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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