She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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