FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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