i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
