I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
