my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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