Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is Oprah even human
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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