none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
