Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize