Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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