If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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