I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
