Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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