Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
