you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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