The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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