4 words: hood of his car
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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