oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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