so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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