Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
