Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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