Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
