i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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