I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
