How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
