do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
