She's like a pop up book from hell.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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