Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
