I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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