We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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