theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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