p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
