U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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