My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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