i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
