I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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