god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
