I should be sponsored by Trojan
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
