Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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