theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
