Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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