Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
