I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
