did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
