just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize