So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
