tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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