Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
