Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
