my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize