Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
