Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
