after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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