my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
