We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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